Here I am.


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Alright, so here I am. Now what? The thing is, what I really have in mind right now is very different from anything else you’ve read by me. Maybe you’ll hate it. Maybe you won’t get it. Maybe I don’t get it but I can’t sleep until it’s out so for better or worse, here it is:

The other morning I awoke to a snowstorm. I took the boys to school and began the morning chores. As I strode past Aerosmith ( my horse ) something about him had me halt mid step.
Great globes of snow fell from the sky and the air felt…different. I heaved myself onto the fence rail to sit next to him awhile. Steam rose from his body and came out through his nostrils like tangled tendrils of hair. He smelled good and the scent had me thinking of lazy summer days, leather, soap, blue cloudless skies and the freedom of childhood. I realized our breathing had coincided and I allowed our energie’s to flow between us. Something changed in the biological makeup of the universe then. A realization struck me in that moment that beyond Aero’s goofy facade was a great sadness, deep, ancient and hushed.Beyond the playfulness, beyond the fun was something that he worked hard at to hide. A river of sorrow, source unknown.
I leaned into him a little closer and the two of us sat still and quiet for a long time. After a while something caught his eye. Maybe it was snow falling off a tree branch or the rooster making a ruckus in the hay. Whatever it was, the spell had been broken and off he went with a toss of his head. I climbed down from the fence to watch him, feeling profoundly lonely after the intimate exchange. As he whinnied, ran and danced through the fresh snow I began to understand. It was okay that he was sad. He would handle it because it was the way he had been made. It didn’t rule him or become what he was. He was strong, mighty and brave. Even with the sadness there, those who gazed upon his beauty and grace saw only what he wished them to. I silently thanked him for showing himself to me and continued on with a markedly lighter step.
Looking back on it, I realize the extent of the gift I’ve been given. That day, I looked inside the heart of a horse. And what I found – was my own.

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