Leap of Faith


I, like the owl, am a creature of the night. Unfortunately, life demands that I must also rise before the sun and so I live in a sleep deprived whirlpool of exhaustion. I frequently remind myself that this is probably a key contributer to my many lesser moments, such as:
– demanding my husband stop the truck right the fuck now so I can angrily march 134 km home because, so help me, I WILL throw the door open and leap, just to make a point, drama be damned. Or…
– stand in front of my gaping family and passionately debate BOTH sides of whatever political injustice I deem worth pasing the living room floor about, hands wildly gesturing in the air and completely losing my shit over.

But truly, it isn’t easy being me. I despise the day to day crap that makes up the majority of life. Dentist appointments, bill payments, TAX SEASON, grade 5 math homework,  “oh shit, we’re all out of milk,” “honey, can you please pick up whatever,” “mom, I need this AND that for school tomorrow, sorry I forgot to mention it until 9:00 pm,” $500.00 vet bills, there’s suddenly no toothpaste and I forgot to pick up deodorant, no wonder everyone’s avoiding me, I should forget deodorant more often! And so on.

Really, I am beyond all of those insignificant details. All I ever want to do is find a pretty place to hide and think about What It All Means, because obviously I’ve forgotten. Life has somehow lost all relevance, which is, for me, the equivalent to some sort of death. Oh sure, Facebook is always quick with it’s witty or deep life quotes meant to either make you look intelligent or interesting, but all they really do is make me feel like a horrible human being or desperate imposter, and while I honestly know all these words of infinite wisdom are pure bullshit, at 3:00 insomnia time, they sure do cut you to the quick.

Alas, this IS life, be it meaningful or not and I am but one of many struggling to make it through the endless circle of…well, whatever the hell this is. Nobody really knows afterall. Not those in the Facebook Life Quotes Club, not people of religion, not starving or beaten children, not you, and certainly not me. All I can do is take a leap of incredible faith and hope that someday, this will all make sense. Someday I’ll have all the answers. In the meantime, I will try to remember to pick up deodorant…


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